Helen text
I just saw your Instagram post, and just want to give you a big big hug. Us girls dream about weddings since how old? Maybe 3? Lol...the fluffy sparkly dress, the veil, maybe a crown on the head. And then the flowers, bubbles floating in the air, the cake, laughters, blessings, surrounded by loved ones and most importantly the Prince Charming. The vow, saying “I do”, exchanging the rings and that first kiss as mr. and mrs.
等了這麼久的一天本來終於要來了，內心有多麼激動和興奮！卻沒想到因為一個病毒，全部落空⋯。心裡一定很失落，感覺是個好大的缺口，甚至是遺憾～ 我只是想讓妳知道 it’s ok to feel this way, 任何人期待很久的事情沒有如願發生，一定都是很難接受的。但在覺得失望的同時，我想和妳分享～ there’s no perfect weddings. My wedding was definitely NOT how I imagined and it was far from perfect. I didn’t get to have the wedding cake I want. I didn’t get to buy a wedding dress with my closest friends by my side telling me how good I look. I didn’t have the sunset, the sea breeze, the flower petals showering on me. And because I was too nervous, I didn’t get to enjoy my wedding. I kept on thinking “I need to do this next, and then that, and then this should happen.” I was physically there but my mind was completely occupied by the run downs. And looking back, I wish my wedding was way smaller. I wish only my family and closest friends were present, even if that means there’s only 10 people.
But you know what? Even with all these 遺憾, I’m certain God has placed the imperfections in the wedding to remind me, 因為我們是人，不完美的人，所以我們所做的計畫，一定都會有不完美。只有神才是完美，只有祂才知道我們真正需要的是什麼，and many times “blessings” are delayed but not forgotten.
神很眷顧妳，讓你先有個極小的婚禮，有家人在身邊給妳滿滿的祝福，你也不需要顧及其他路人朋友 and shared every single moment every second with family. 爸爸媽媽妹妹能在這麼重要的時刻一直和妳這麼靠近的照相，說話，聊天, 看著妳幸福的笑容。 （路人朋友會一直滑手機然然後想說什麼時候可以吃到飯）Henry也一直在妳身邊不需要去跟伯父伯母阿姨姑姑奶奶鄰居小學同學去敬酒😂。 這是神給妳和Henry和你們最親密的家人的「精心時刻」! 多麼美好！（我好遺憾我結婚時哥哥不在身邊，我也忙得暈頭轉向沒時間顧及我的爸爸媽媽，但其實他們才是最最重要的人啊！）
As you look forward to the “real wedding” next year, remember God will still place imperfections in it. But because God has placed them, they are the “perfect imperfections”. And having imperfections don’t mean you “failed” and bubbles burst. They teach you that’s truly important in life and looking at it with God’s vision will remind you to put your focus on Him, rather than yourself. To know that God has placed you and Henry together, to honor Him and be blessings for others! And hopefully the virus will be in control by then so even more people can attend (like me!).
My reply
我在想我內心一直比較介意的是先領證，先結婚的身分開始跟Henry 生活，再過一年才辦婚禮。那個順序可能是我覺得不完美的地方，也是我一直希望堅持的，就是說好像都已經是合法名義夫妻的身分了，大家也都很祝福恭喜我們，但是我們還要花很多錢辦一場正式期待的婚禮，然後一年後才正式的道別父母，講誓言⋯ 然後牧師才宣布我們成為夫妻。這些的順序讓我內心是比較難過關想通的。
不過我有意識到，也許這些struggle 是因為我太在乎別人怎麼想，怎麼看了⋯⋯怕感動不一樣，嫁女兒的心情也變調⋯或是覺得我多此一舉，再花那麼多錢put up something when they are already married couple.. etc 等等等的胡思亂想,我想這可能是我在學習跟調適的部分 to focus on marriage 本身。因為like Henry often told me, 妳想太多了，妳也不能決定別人怎麼看怎麼想，我想大家都還是很替你們開心，興奮，希望在場跟你們一起慶祝的，不會因為你們已經名義上是夫妻了就不感動了。
但我想我知道如果我focus on what I really want in the wedding, which is to thank my parents formally, and to honor God with our love and vows, 那明年的婚禮I will definitely get to do that and enjoy that, then that’s all that matters. 當我可以更單純不在意別人怎麼想的話，我知道我自己本身對明年的婚禮的期待和感動是不會變的。
其實我很感謝神給我這些我覺得內心比較過不去的部分，讓我去成長跟接納自己，自己確實是在這塊比較過不去，在意婚禮會不再一樣了，就算每個人其實都說沒怎麼樣，這樣的安排很好。
然後去真實了解自己到底在意什麼，想要什麼，什麼才是真正重要的。就像妳說的是很好, I need to focus on honor Henry, love him, and we can serve God together as a team.
Aww 神真的是很眷顧我們，那天小婚禮很好玩，我們好像事先經歷了一小部分真正婚禮會發生的事一樣，雜事很多！出門前最後一刻，我媽媽開始問我幫她化妝，跟我借指甲油😂我妹要叫我幫忙綁頭髮，然後總總電話找不到停車位，場地，沒收訊，然後本來看的大樹有人竟然搭了小棚子開始野餐😂😂😂我跟Henry 忙得團團轉。果然當天不能沒有coordinator 哈哈哈哈哈哈 感覺需要設想的事會爆多。但很感恩，那天大吃特吃，然後雙方家人們在我們新的公寓也都吃喝的很開心，也很感動我妹妹幫我做結婚蛋糕🍰如果大婚禮，她不太可能做給這麼多人吃，而這個蛋糕獨一無二，大家都吃得很開心🥳
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