Thursday, July 28, 2016

Introduction to the Sermon on the Mount

Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them.

The Beatitudes

He said:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice and be glad,because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Salt and Light

13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

The Fulfillment of the Law

17 “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. 18 For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. 19 Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.20 For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.

Murder

21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister[b][c] will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’[d] is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.
25 “Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. 26 Truly I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.

Adultery

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[e]28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Divorce

31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’[f] 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Oaths

33 “Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’34 But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37 All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.[g]

Eye for Eye

38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[h]39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. 41 If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

Love for Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[i] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

踢踏舞課

最近有三個目標
練英文,toastmaster
跳踢踏舞
還有多閱讀

一定要充實自己,才能跟人競爭,才有辦法換工作
因為英文不好不好表達,知識不夠跟人沒話聊,所以總是沒信心,很自卑

同事,志勇,我的家人都鼓勵我快點去找老闆談談,我卻緊張害怕的一直不敢前進,深怕老闆不喜歡,老闆不開心,老闆覺得我不適合走management ...

很多還要好好努力的事情
真的希望我可以好好學好英文溝通!讓我自信提升

踢踏舞課老師說我可以跟的上intermediate class~~~ super happy I can dance again!!

快哭了

今天開了好久的車
外面炙熱的太陽讓我一直走錯路⋯
好不容易到了我的車車被帶到的地方
我已經一個禮拜多沒看到它了
簽完一些paperwork,他們帶我進去被鎖起來的停車場,
看到那車的瞬間,我眼淚在眼眶打轉
很想跟他說對不起
對不起讓他變成這個樣子
對不起我讓他在角落哭泣
對不起 我的車子, 讓你受苦了
謝謝你保護我

拿完東西
要不是那個人在那邊等我拿東西,
我真想再坐在車子裏跟他好好道別
我一直打斷我容易emotional的心情
但心裡有多少的不捨
記得一開始拿到他,很開心很滿足
也一直很proud 我有一輛大車子
我一次次的出車禍
一次次的撞他,一次次的修好
再一次次的保護我帶我上山下海
我很享受在車子裡面的時光
可以大聲禱告,大聲唱歌,大聲的哭,大聲的笑,這是我的鞋櫃,是我最好的避難所。
我好想哭⋯心情真的很複雜
我想我很念舊,一直都是!
還記得爸爸一早起床幫我洗車,洗的好乾淨好清爽,記得媽媽幫我拿去修車,換機油,換東換西。
然後這麼一個瞬間,它就只能在角落停著,被太陽曬,到處都是灰⋯⋯

Sorry. 
I guess then I can only look forward...

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

車禍之後還是要上班

車禍之後還是要面對上班,面對生活
世界並不會為你停止
但是,我的神又真又活,是我的幫助,我的喜樂,他使我不致缺乏

昨天房東帶我上班
雖然上班一直在打電話處理車禍的事情
還是有把工作做完~
kKhoa 帶我回家
之後我小心翼翼的開著Alice 的沒保險的車,還是毅然決然想要去上踢踏舞課

沒想到那個一直跟我聯絡的Janet 竟然是台灣人!她也是跟我一樣國二念完就來了,太神奇了。老師非常的厲害,她說我可以上beginner or intermediate 班,因為我應該跟的上!太棒了~ 這個班離我家只要十分鐘,學費也算是合理。
一心想著去把踢他舞鞋黏好
就經過了Joann 去買了Krazy super glue
沒想到回家之後根本黏不起來⋯⋯超級失望

我的鞋櫃終於來了
組裝好後把我的鞋子擺上去
發現⋯⋯真是讓我房間又亂又臭
實在沒有辦法忍受⋯⋯
只好先暫時把它放到門外去,希望房東不要介意⋯⋯我馬上上網買了一個Spray 準備趕快幫他們消毒清理,除臭!!

啊啊啊啊,留了一身汗組裝完的鞋架讓我太失望了,早知道買一個密閉式的鞋櫃就好了⋯現在想蓋住都蓋不住啊。



希望我室友不要介意~~
網路一直很差,讓我完全無法看電影,雖然又急又氣,卻也逼著我睡覺去,少看點電視了。

左肩,左胸還是很不舒服,卻也不傷大雅,右邊的大姆哥好像滑鼠手機用太多了,特別的痛⋯一不小心手刮傷了,一不小心腳刮破了。在我身上好像特別多的不小心發生⋯⋯
感謝神,今天還是起床上班了。

Saturday, July 16, 2016

不平凡的一天

早上,想開去志勇家找他吃飯
下午要回家去
沒想到⋯⋯一個緊急快速煞車
一輛車狠狠的撞我,我就直接往前面撞去!!
從來沒有在高速上面發生這樣的車禍
嚇得我全身發抖,無法止住淚水
無法說話,好像變成殘障一樣
用最簡單的英文一個字一個字從腦海裡面擠出來表達。當下在高速公路上面,我完全不知道該怎麼辦。撞我的人非常鎮定平靜,幫我指揮快速道路後面的車停下來,讓我能夠去到路肩,不會更危險。我全身發抖,似乎腳都軟了。連開車都不敢開,硬逼著自己往旁邊開。

最後警察封路幫我們把freeway 全部讓出來開下freeway 的出口。當下覺得太酷了,卻也不知道怎麼開車,我的車子已經整個撞爛了,完全拖著地上重重的鈑金硬開過去的



感謝神,志勇在身邊安慰陪伴
帶我去吃飯,吃鮮芋仙,抓神奇寶貝,然後陪我看電影~謝謝!

很感動爸爸媽媽就算只能相處個幾小時,還是塞車辛苦的開了兩小時來安慰我。總是在真的出大事時,爸爸媽媽總是在我身邊,為我挺身而出,真的愛我,爸爸馬上換好新衣服,準備來找我。他們的擔心和關心,和第一時間的探望,真的感動,真的)))

抹茶巧克力蛋糕




成功!!意外的成功
寶貝說比85c的好吃~真是太滿足啦啦啦!
雖然賣相不好,製造過程崎嶇艱難,但是還好大家都捧場~~~


晚上和路得吃宵夜~~好開心啊!暢聊
炸雞炸雞~~罪惡感極深的炸雞!

Friday, July 15, 2016

紀錄生活

半夜十二點
剛烤好Timothy 指定的綠茶蛋糕
真是腳站的好酸好累
又要晚睡,早上又要起不來了

今晚一下班就去試上踢踏舞課
開了將近四十五分鐘又塞車又卡local的
結果一進教室
啊!只有一個老師,一個學生!!
老師還很胖,肚子很大全身真的肉很多的一個老師~~ 我的唯一一個同學看起來並不愛笑不太友善,老師一直停下來試著教我並且讓我跟上腳步!我都覺得對旁邊那個已經動作很迅速的同學不太好意思,她似乎散發著一股不耐煩~

結果,一通簡訊,我的同學說她的小孩生病樂就迅速回家去了!!
一對一,老師十分希望我能夠留在這堂課,拼命地幫我上課希望能留住我!又留電話又解釋的,讓我很不好意思!(我心想,真的好遠⋯⋯⋯)

然後,回家的路上,Jerty 說明天是Eric Wu 21th Bday!! 我又想起了做蛋糕的念頭,但!都已經快十點了,要做嗎?要做嗎?我很難決定⋯⋯

就做吧!Timothy 說Eric 愛吃綠茶,巧克力!!九點了,哪裡去找綠茶粉,我開到target... 沒有⋯⋯又開到遠方的sprouts 才狠下心的買了十三塊的綠茶!!真的好貴!這個蛋糕非常不便宜,但想到二十一歲生日,一定要做一個,我就狠狠的買!

對房東真的太不好意思了,不但今天鑰匙被小偷偷走了,還要這麼晚借用他們家烤箱(她說不讓另一個室友用的⋯⋯)然後就開始將近半夜的打啊攪啊,研究receipe !!convert gram for  everything ....ahhhh and 但浪費了一顆蛋,只好一邊煎個荷包蛋當宵夜當場吃掉! 然後⋯⋯ 終於弄了好久好艱辛的「不好意思」「隨時要吵醒大家,吵到鄰居」的OS 不斷冒出,只好忍者拼命打完,不趕快打到時候失敗不是要重打,那這樣不是更吵⋯⋯啊啊I wish I don't have work tmr!!! 

我以為我房東以經把所有的東西都從烤箱搬出來了⋯⋯沒想到,一預熱⋯⋯
燒焦味馬上出來!但我連蛋糕都還沒放進去耶,是怎麼樣,我一打開OMG, 一塊大木頭著火了,我一開烤箱,煙味開始撲出,非常難聞,整個家都是燒焦味,

我著急的不知道該怎麼辦,怎麼滅火啊
我到處踏腳卻完全不知道該怎麼辦⋯⋯
我只好呼叫房東太太!!!她馬上笑一笑說,我還以為妳蛋糕香馬上就烤好了!然後拿了我的手套就把燃燒的木頭拿出來放到洗碗槽⋯⋯⋯⋯ 真的太驚險了,但她卻只是一直碎碎唸說希望鄰居不會聞到味道報警。啊,我真的是闖禍了啊。 好吧,最後還是默默的把蛋糕烤好了,烤的還不錯呢~~^_^


今天是我取消2年生涯的student prime的這一天!我好不捨得~~~
但在取消的前兩天就是所謂的Prime Day sale~~ 哇哈哈哈
看看我的戰利品:一個instant pot!! From 126 到 59 without tax!!!

還有眼罩,anker speaker, and a pairs of heels, shoe rack! Wow 真的撒了不少錢呢。


Thursday, July 14, 2016

Good news and Bad news

Good news 先還是Bad news 先?
就當我正準備覺得: Today is gonna be a Good day 時
志勇說他有一個bad news.....

Bad news聽完 真的good news 也沒什麼好值得開心了
Bad news 是他的車子被破門而入, 東西都被偷走了, 包括我周一不小心忘記帶的車鑰匙....
還有gps, Alice 車子的文件, ....backpack, and....board game.... the only thing he did not take is 我的詩歌CD 唉~~~~

Good news is....

今天一早被Austin Cameron 叫去辦公室,我還想說是怎麼一回事, 老闆的老闆叫我去....
結果::::::



My salary got raised 10%!!
從 $22.6/hr to $24.86/hr  兩塊錢的raise 不知道多還少  但都很感恩, 也期許自己可以更加認真上班, 為公司努力認真!!!

上帝  我覺得好像被開了一個玩笑? 不知道該笑還是不該笑... 但上帝還是愛我們! 那就好:)

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

久違的早晨

好長一段時間
我無法早起
總是賴到最後一刻
衝衝忙忙的跑去上班

昨晚我刻意十點多就睡覺
想要早點起床
雖然掙扎了一陣子,七點起床
洗澡
放著詩歌把髒亂的房間清理了一下
地板擦一擦,被子鋪一鋪,桌子櫃子上的灰塵擦一擦,垃圾倒一倒⋯
讀聖經(很久沒坐在書桌前讀神的話語)
在家吃早餐,化妝~~^_^
最後清爽的去上班,感覺真好!
感謝上帝
上帝喜悅我們做對的事,他看我們的心!主耶穌,今天一天上班,求你給我動力和喜樂不疲乏的靈來上班,能專心!in Jesus name, amen

Saturday, July 9, 2016

回到原點

似乎又回到原點了
似乎前年發生的事情一樣再次上演了
我還是心痛他不願意去教會
我還是心痛他不了解我
甚至感受不到他的愛
跟他表達我真實的難受感覺
換來的總是冷靜的:應該不會去
然後就是已讀不回
似乎我每次都要自己療傷⋯⋯
因為他不去教會,每次都讓我感到不被愛,不被支持,甚至試著跟他說也直接被忽略的不安全感
讓我總是對我們的感情很灰心,很卡住,無法前進

真的很愛他
但是他每次都讓我覺得一定要二選一
一邊是上帝,一邊是他

我只要接近他,我沒辦法好好接近神
只要一接近神,跟神親密一點點,他就不在我的世界裏了

似乎,他的不以為意,不在乎,不回應,總是傷害我。我更希望他可以跟我多說一點,解釋一點,讓我了解他在想什麼,但每次我真心放出去,總是個已讀不回,懶得理我,把我真心潑盆冷水一樣。

主耶穌!
該怎麼辦?我真的很喜歡他,很喜歡跟他在一起。 每次期待著奇蹟,卻次次讓我更加灰心,甚至懷疑他愛我。

這個原點讓我自責,自己沒有進步,而是退步,一直在原地轉
還是一樣的問題,始終沒解決

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

關係DNA

我們是為人際關係而受造的
人生就是人際關係
其他的只是細節
這是最大的真理

昨晚開車從家裡回去Brea時。
又讓情緒到很煩躁很不穩定甚至很偏激的罵志勇⋯
我不知道自己為什麼在這樣的時刻總是對他沒有信心,對他愛我沒有信心,只是對他說出的每一句話多加懷疑和謾罵。不喜歡這樣的自己,也不知道為什麼總能這樣被激發的緊皺眉頭的不開心,不爽快。
我才剛看完「懼怕」的那個chapter,也期望自己可以更加了解自己,避免這件事情一直反覆的發生,反覆的無限循環傷害彼此的感情。

我知道,我似乎很怕被他拒絕,似乎很怕承認自己不是時時刻刻都被需要,都被疼愛,都被捧手心的呵護,所以才會忍者忍者一點都不敢打電話給志勇,即便我真的開車開的快不行了。最後打去,他的沒接電話和睡眠模式更讓我生氣為什麼每次都在我需要的時候找不到人,好像我在他心中不是重要的,可以不需要知道。然後他一打來,我不斷的跟他說,埋怨他我很痛苦,開車開的快睡著又塞車很辛苦,似乎這樣他才會願意跟我說話,陪伴我,我不願意跟他說我已經在Irvine了,好像下意識的覺得他會說我快到了,就不陪伴我了,就不再覺得我可憐,我需要他了。我特別扭曲他幫我看看路況,因為我覺得他這樣並不會幫助到我,他更知道路況只會跟我說只塞一下,一下就到了。而到底為什麼我想要扮演可憐的角色呢?無助的角色呢?我是真的很無助才下定決心打電話的。我不知道為什麼我們連基本的信任他會陪伴我,不會不理我都無法相信跟做到,寧願自己死撐,都不想要打電話。要打電話一定要自己已經真的很慘的時候。我在怕什麼⋯⋯我為什麼這麼怕這段關係。害怕不被愛,不被在乎,不被陪伴,寧願自己撐,也怕被拒絕,也怕被人看清自尊,好像容易被看扁,如果不是真的很慘,不會輕易要別人幫忙的。好像這個固執和自尊心讓我好害怕人家進來,好像會被看扁⋯⋯

我越想要找到自己懼怕的點,越陷進一個謎題裏。為什麼我會有如此憤怒生氣極端的反應,他搓到我的什麼不安全恐懼的點了嗎?