Prayer for forgiveness

謊言:
我需要做個完美的女朋友, 他所喜歡的那種輕鬆不給他壓力, 不試圖改變他, 能夠接受他 包容他不反駁他 樂觀開心  總是鼓勵他 仰慕他 對他微笑 而且給他面子  不在外面讓他丟臉 不是很麻煩的女朋友

越害怕自己犯錯 越不想做自己 越否定自己 越覺得自己很糟糕 對自己標準很高很多 做不到 很挫折 想放棄  覺得自己沒有資格和能力好好愛這個人
最怕自己掉到這種沒有盼望的洞裡出不來的感覺
為甚麼又這樣
我明明那麼努力要追求上帝 為甚麼又變成emotional 為甚麼又要哭  為甚麼明明沒什麼事又要upset
我明明覺得我有在更了解他了, 我明明覺得我會做好的, 我明明知道他需要甚麼, 他要怎麼感覺到愛

我不想要被人家說 我情緒不穩 我有問題 我沒有辦法控制情緒
為什麼我要一直看著自己 為甚麼我要這麼希望自己能怎麼樣呢? 你是因為害怕不被接納嗎? 害怕被拋下嗎? 害怕別人覺得你很麻煩嗎?



謊言:
我有情緒, 不完美的狀態接近他 我只會犯錯 只會搞砸 到時候他會覺得很辛苦 我在指責責怪他
說也不是  不說又委屈的要命





蔡月貽 你好累 辛苦妳了 妳知道就算世界上的人沒有辦法接受這樣的妳 上帝還是抱抱妳 愛妳 就算沒有這段感情 你也還是上帝寶貝的女兒  妳爸爸媽媽的女兒

上帝
祢來釋放原諒我 對我自己的不接納 祢來原諒蔡月貽對自己的責備 還有批評控告自己 不進步 不改進 "又" 如何如何 祢來原諒蔡月貽的驕傲覺得自己要做到100% 才會被愛這種孤兒的心, 祢來原諒我不相信自己有能力愛人 有能力成為祝福 有能力選擇不傷害別人 

Lord, You replaced those lies and 控告，定位 with the truth that I am beloved, I am lovable, I may be weak and have emotion when I sense something and when I tries to protect myself, but I am fully capable of loving Henry. Replace those lies about giving pressure to Henry with the truth of I am not the source of problem and I am not the one who gives pressure. Replace with the truth that I am responsible and Emotion is not wrong and it is ok to be not perfect girlfriend, and it is ok to have emotion, it is ok to feel insecured, and it is ok to feel upset, it does not mean you are a terrible person that Henry or your father doesn’t like. Father, forgive Candy for selling lies and being harsh to herself. Forgive her and heal the inner her with Your everlasting love, the love that forgive, the love that renew, the love that gave hope, the love that bear weakness, the love that has power. Replace those lies with truth that Candy is a great girlfriend who is always striving to love more, forgive first, and take action in loving other people, who care, who has compassion, who likes to take care of people, who truly tries to understand people. Replace the lies of Candy needs to run to a place to fix all her problems and issues before he can be healthy to work this relationship thing out. Replace the tendency of wanting to run away with the truth of Henry loves and accept the way she is, and would hope Candy is freely happy to be where she is, so she doesn’t need to run away because the Father in heaven is with her, and fully embrace her and accept her. Henry is too...

Father, forgive Candy and replace those lies and fear with courage and with confidence. Thank You Father for loving me and telling me that I can be who I am as where I am, I don’t need to run away and make myself perfect, because God is what’s matters~~ In Jesus name,