I guess I never wrote down what happened that night...
I simply share with my fellowship and Henry, but did not take time to write down what God said to me.
On the last night before the end of the retreat.
The usual responding time. I am the worship team leader on that set and got notified lastly that the speaker is not gonna use our worship team to do the responding, but play YouTube clips. It’s a bit ODD, but Okk.
I didn’t expect much and certainly don’t want to go to the front to accept Jesus again. But this time, it’s different, the pastor called out: who wants to receive love? ( is it different? Or maybe I am just desperate at the moment lol)
Bling! This is exactly what I want right now, at the moment!
I want God’s love!!!!!
I no longer want to care about what other people would think of me, but yes I want God’s love.
I step forward sooo quickly, and there is a quiet voice in my mind asking me to kneel.
“NOooo~~~ 我才不要勒” my first reaction is my mind.
And then, I close my eyes continue thinking about kneeling
And pastor says: feel free to kneel, sit or stand in front of God.
My mind blown, “alright alright I will kneel” I will surrender
I kneeled and tears running down, released, and released
I felt like I am at home. Although there is a drum set in front of me ... I can feel my heart and whole body is so at ease.... that I feel like I am at home, super loved and comfortable, that I no longer care the surrunding
God says to me: see~~~ you know Me, You have known me, You know this feeling of going home right? You know me! Don’t live in fears anymore, come home!
Great great comfort. My heart respond: yessss I know You Father. I know this feeling, I have experienced it before.
And then the pastor: I sense some of you here is feeling like home, who are like the older son, who is always home, working so hard to earn love, but doesn’t feel loved.
Today, God wants to tell you that You are loved, and You are always loved. you are home. I saw what you have done for me, and You have done a great job.
Tears spurs..... unstopped
Crying my heart with overwhelming joy and peace!!!!
And then, I thought of my situation with Henry...
The whole proposal thing. I asked God, what’s up with that? I am sad, I am upset...
God answers: yo girl, don’t you worry. I give you the best. I gave you Henry, the best man you can think of in the world. I always give you th best. More than you can think of. Trust me! You are my daughter, you don’t deserve anything lessss
Me continue Weeping ....
Lord, all I want is You, is to live in Your presence, to be more aware of Your Holy Spirit, Your voice and Your love.
