Retreat day 2-2019

Lord, I am tired of regretting 

I am tired of keep thinking about what’s right and what’s wrong. Tired of analysis the situation and make judgement. I am tired of thinking how to make him happy or win him back. I am tired of thinking who is right, who is logical, who is emotional...

I am tired of trying hard to please Henry, or be the gentle girl that is always nice. I am tired of trying hard to getting his approval, and making him need me or like me. 

I just want to rest in Your love.

I am tired of gaining your favor and love as well. Try harder, read Your words more frequently, and pray more....

Lord, here I am.... lacking of energy to love unselfishly. Who did not know how to love,  I am right here lord. 

Your love is suppose to not only let me cry, but heal me and set me free, 

Breath

Breath my love for you in!

I am right here right now 

I am with Henry as well, so don’t worry about him just now

Focus on breathing my love

Let go of what to reply him, what to say to him, what is best for him. Take good care of yourself. You have been way too tired, you are restless thinking about all those that happened

Step back 

Reserve

Take some good amount of time to enjoy my love before you know and is able to love with agape love

You are loved deeply by the Lord!

You are cared deeply by the Lord!

Jesus died for you already!!! He did! For you

Lord, I come to Your throne

I come to Your throne and lay my relationship with Henry in Your hand. You know what’s the best for us and know love us the best. Heal us individually, and shine Your glory and love and mercy on us once again, 我們真的不行，但上帝我相信你的愛超越這些困難，你的愛讓我們自然而然能去愛，能去毫無保留，無怨無悔，不期待回報的愛，你的愛來充滿我們，使我們親身先經歷你那美妙的愛，而不是一直看著我們自己，我們要什麼，我們的不同，而是上帝，你是誰，你怎麼看我，你怎麼看他，你怎麼看我們。上帝，我害怕犯姦淫的罪，我怕面對這樣的軟弱，我害怕失去你的愛，有一天你就不愛我了

但是奉耶穌的名，斥責這樣的謊言，上帝對我的愛不是有條件的愛，而是永不止息的愛，而是雖然看我犯罪痛心，但是卻還是來抱抱我

上帝，你要放在一起的人，沒有人可以分開，這兩天時間，來對我和Henry 說話，使我們在你裡面得到恢復，清楚你的旨意

奉主耶穌的名，阿們

Rabbi, where do you live ?

聖靈帶領我們才能夠經歷天國的豐盛，榮耀，全能

我們有耶穌的靈在我們裡面！

彰顯天國的大能

被天父的愛來充滿，觸摸

天父怎麼想我這個人

天父怎麼看這件事

天國的思維

不是妳該做什麼

而是妳什麼都不能做

開始學習順服耶穌所做的

常常我們沒有期待神的國在中間

天國代言人為別人禱告

天父啊 你是怎麼看我的？讓耶穌的愛充滿我。

敬拜，讚美，禱告，是否真的感受到上帝的愛？

神樂意愛我

放下自己，渴慕神，經歷神，領受神要給我的一起

只當讚美跟感恩的基督徒，不是真實把祝福給出去

相信禱告嗎

信心大小並不是用來決定有沒有神蹟

上帝才是決定有沒有神蹟

但是信心大容易與神同在，神同在一直都在，但是信心大的人更容易歡迎神遇見神，期待神

I know I probably should just go by myself and of course I can just go buy food

但是我心裡好像不甘心覺得自己很可憐

我好像希望他感到guilty 而可以更在乎擔心我來主動approach 我

我好像期待自己可以是一個很有耐心，等他出現的時候可以對他微笑的人，我好像希望他也想要趕快看到我

而當下他來的時候，我好像還是不能夠有勇氣放下我的委屈和希望被注意到

而抓著他哭訴，這個讓我一瞬間很自責，不知道自己為什麼要把這件完全沒怎樣，只是一個事實的事搞大

然後聽到他說他很有壓力

我開始更加自責，覺得自己根本無法承受不知道自己問題為什麼這麼大

I shouldn’t I shouldn’t I shouldn’t ... be upset... I shouldn’t ...

但想到自己是麻煩的人，想到自己是給別人壓力的人，想到自己很麻煩很糟糕，我哭得更難過

後來有一個小小的聲音回答我：他有壓力就有壓力啊，難道不能就acknowledge 他會有壓力嗎？就讓他當他啊！可能我就是會一定程度是一個給他壓力的人。我就是不是那麼完美的女朋友，難道一定要一直定罪自己自責自己把自己打的很慘然後一直哭出不來

接納自己的不完美吧

接納自己就是有時會給亨利壓力

但是亨利願意也選擇去承受這個壓力，所以let him own it! 不需要在定罪自己是一個不體貼的女朋友，你努力做一個體貼的女朋友了

那個時候的確有更勇敢的選擇，可以愛自己做自己想要做的事情的選擇，可以選擇不讓自己可憐

那沒關係，下次再練習勇敢一次

下次再試試看，就算還是選擇繼續等，也給自己多一點恩典吧

Candy, 慢慢來，it’s ok.

有點難接受自己現在這個樣子吧，這樣的不完美

會給別人壓力的Candy 

有點麻煩的Candy

愛哭的Candy 

愛怪罪人亂生氣的Candy 

不夠勇敢的Candy 

特意要麻煩人讓人可以對我好的Candy 

是一個罪人的Candy 

但是上帝還是愛妳

妳還是值得被愛的

不管今天妳變成怎麼樣，上帝還是愛妳

SVT -南航

這個禮拜，南航來檢測我們的軟件

每天從早到晚，學習，開會，陪吃飯，解釋翻譯，解決問題！

身體很累，精神很刺激很hyper, constantly need to focus, observe, engage, and help out!

上班以來從來沒有這麼excited and tired, full of learning 

沒有一週下班上班腦袋都在想著工作，如此focus

昨晚離開客人, 開著車，reflect on what did I learn more about myself, and how to handle meetings/customers/ situations.

優勢：

understand Mandarin, 

be able to build relationship with customers, proactive and execute fast

Know Chinese culture more

Humble and work hard

Hospitality 

需改進

• need to be able to explain things and communicate in a clearer manner. Need to catch the main point and reason behind things. 
• Jack( assume customer’s view and take, assume they do not care)
• Jack ( did not give customer options to choose, but force them to sign and agree)
• Conflict of internal, who drives the meeting....Jack tries to move on, I tried to explain, David tried to control and make sure customers understand.
• Ask the right question at the right time 
• Be bold for the customers, and my company 
• Listen and understand quickly, and take notes quickly. Tend to process and understand slow. Couldn’t just catch it on the fly, type out everything David said. Can’t type and listen/ understand at the same time.
• Be more observant on the situation, and be able to turn it around
• 即時翻譯

520 today

戀舊的我翻起五年前的FB
看到一篇文...看完無比感動
最重要的是有一個留言的人:是亨利!
原來他在五年前就已經在幫我加油了~
其實想念那時候對上帝充滿滿腔熱血的自己和他

我始終記得亨利在敬拜雙手高舉敬拜我們的上帝那一幕
那個畫面烙印在我的心裡
那個愛神敬畏神的男人
那個專心滿心願意服事的他
那個禱告都是為著聖潔的他

五前年的這篇文 我其實不太記得我做了甚麼決定
但是一定是對我非常難的一個決定
我回去看以前的日記, 是那時候要跟志勇分開的掙扎
我那時候的掙扎, 感受到神深深的使我毫無平安, 想要分開為著可以追隨神
我想誇獎那時候勇敢的自己
我想誇獎勇敢的自己
為了愛神　可以放下自己真的很依賴很喜歡的男人
了解自己的個性　知道那個有多麼不容易
五年前的Candy! 妳真的很棒　上帝紀念這一個決定　
哪怕最後還是選擇跟他在一起掙扎了這麼多年．．．回頭看　我知道妳很努力在追求在敬畏上帝



想起現在五年過後
多少個流淚的夜晚
多少個找尋上帝痛苦的夜晚
又有多少個喜樂得勝的早晨
又有多少個上帝在我生命中行的奇蹟
現在我的身邊有那個鼓勵我愛我的亨利
上帝特別恩待我~也再次用這篇文章提醒我

我發現越加長大變老, 其實越膽小
深怕一轉身, 甚麼都沒有了
如果今天上帝要我捨棄亨利, 我願意嗎?
直到今天我還是願意在神面前說: 我願意  嗎？
我知道我不能失去上帝　無論如何
所以我想　如果跟亨利再一起會讓我失去上帝
我還是會選擇捨棄亨利



Jesus Christ today is still my Lord and the Master of my life. I no longer want to merely include God in my plans. I want God to include me in His plans. Whatever that means, whatever the cost, anything, anytime, anywhere.

今天讀到:
你們這些淫亂的人哪
豈不知與世俗為友就是與神為敵嗎?
所以凡想要與世俗為友的 就是與神為敵了

神阻擋驕傲的人
賜恩給謙卑的人

你們親近神, 神就必親近你們

務要在主面前自卑 主就必叫你們升高


願我行事為人不與世俗為友, 一心一意要please people
而是謙卑到主面前單單每一天每一刻說: 我願意
上帝 醫治亨利 拿去那驕傲 拿去那些別人的刺 醫治那些疼痛和傷害
上帝  使他看自己為合宜 不多不少剛剛好
上帝  使他親近祢 祢就親近他
上帝 使他回轉到你面前  能再次舉起雙手降伏在你面前
上帝  祢最知道我的掙扎和我的心思意念

主阿 我們想要真實的關係
不是假的 不是做作的
恢復我們
恢復我們那顆單純愛祢順服祢的心

My Jesus, My Lord, My savior, 520 today!

Rick Warren's Daily Hope- what destroy relationships and what builds them

"Christ makes us one body and individuals who are connected to each other" wired for relationship. we are made to have community and connect to each other.

Easy to get disconnected in relationships.

We are going to have differences. Only people don't have differences are dead people.

Selfishness destroys relationships. 
"What causes fights and quarrels? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but you don't get it."
"Selfishness only causes trouble."

act of selfless:
- go to small group, need the small group, be the help of the small group
-listening, pay attention and give out your time/your life (practice selflessness)


It is human nature to be selfish, to be self-centered, to always think about me, my feeling, my need, what I want..."obey your thirst"...

Selflessness builds relationships
"Look out for one another's interests, not just for your own".
"The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others-and ignoring God- harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, and eternal life."




"Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness".

Respond to God- not to the attack that's coming to you. God rewards selflessness, and we will get real life, and eternal life.

PM 三天

才當PM三天覺得就比我上了三年的班學到的還多

學習我們的產品，我們的system, 我們跟別人的關係

學習到:

1.
不管再不好的消息, 再多未知數和無法預測, 客人也有權利知道任何狀況, 也是我們的職責告訴他們真實的狀況和掙扎, 才是真正的尊重他們

不管再不知道當時的plan 是甚麼, 變數也有很多, 也不一定是對方愛聽的, 但另一半也是有權利知道行程是甚麼, 也是我們的職責做好溝通告訴他們真實的狀況和掙扎, 才是所謂的愛和尊重


我想這樣的溝通是保持任何好的關係的關鍵

當下傳達bad news 並且抱歉和試圖安撫都比不傳達讓人感覺無比失望和感覺不被重視好太多了!

2. 真的要知道我們的產品, 真的要懂我們的system in very detail. 真的要truly understand and learn what's the real issue in order to really help the team & stay on top and be transparent to customers. whenever they ask a question, we need to show that we really understand what they need and understand what's going on, 才不會好像在塘塞客戶一樣

我現在要想辦法學習越多越好 越快越好 才能更好發揮我的功用