絕對不能對妳的男人說的話！What NOT to say to your man！(FROM:Minami's混血異國戀 blog)

I noticed that there is a trend of things women say to men that almost always cause damage to a relationship. I have heard these type of things from past girlfriends but never thought I would hear it from Minami. Then last week I started hearing her say these things. Maybe she heard them from a TV show or a movie or from a friend. Regardless of where they originated they are NOT good things to be saying in a healthy relationship. Just a few days ago I was talking with my sister who got in a fight with her fiancé and I heard her saying the same things. I talked to her about this and she confirmed that her fiancé also got really mad when hearing these words. Despite the fact that this almost always caused a fight my sister continued to use these words. It's funny that men almost never use these words and I think there may be some fundamental difference in the way men and women think. So, after talking with Minami and my sister and thinking back about past relationships here is what I found.

It is often common for women to say these things to their man:

"You don't love me!'

"You don't care about how I feel!"

"You don't think about me!"

"You don't need me!"

"You only care about yourself!"

If you are saying these types of things to your man you are almost certainly in for a fight. Men by nature like to fix things and these sentences point the finger at your man and he has no idea how to fix this. Also, if the woman really believes that her man "doesn't love her" or "doesn't care about her" these are HUGE problems. So here is a HUGE problem that your man can't fix. Imagine, how do you fix a, "You don't care about me!" sentence? It is almost impossible to change someone else's mind. This leaves your man with a HUGE problem that he can't fix and a fight is in the making.

I believe that most of the time the woman really doesn't believe these sentences. If she does believe this my advice is get a new man who does care and love you. Mostly, I think that what the woman really means:

"I don't feel loved right now."

"I don't feel cared about right now."

"I don't feel important right now."

"I don't feel needed right now."

"I don't feel card for right now."

I think the key to communicating better is in the choice of words that people use. By taking, "YOU" out of these sentences the woman goes from (blaming her man ) which equals a fight to expressing her feelings which can be dealt with appropriately. The first group of statements may only vary by a few words from the second group of statements but they have a very different impact.

So, instead of blaming your man with statements like, " You ________!" start using expressive statements like, "I feel ________." I really believe that this will make a world of difference and help grow a better loving relationship through better communication.

This blog is not just about Minami and my love story. We want to share our story with the world and we also want our readers to have as much love and passion in their lives as we do. Women: try and change to the second type of sentences and write to us and let us know what a difference it makes in your relationship. Men: if you hear your woman using the first set of sentences relax and talk to her about changing her words. Note that the second set of words is probably what she really wants to say. Let's communicate better and enjoy happier relationships.

All the best.

Scott

source From: http://www.wretch.cc/blog/hujitaminam/409562

我永遠都沒想到說男生會生氣是因為他們不知道要怎麼回這種話...

我常常在生氣之下就說出這些話...

然後男朋友就會安靜不知道該說什麼, 之後我就更生氣覺得他是真的不愛我真的不在乎我了...fight start (hurt each other)

原來所謂的溝通就是這樣!

Useful communicating!!!